Eh?
by leytonunit930
Summary: Lily hates James. James loves Lily. That could be a problem, couldn’t it? Sirius loves using sayings, Remus loves it when Sirius gets them right, which isn't often. Ignore dumb summary…….
1. Superheroes, grindylows, and ponds

Title: Eh?

Disclaimer: There is no way that we could own Harry Potter, we're not smart enough for that; fortunately, J. K. Rowling is.

Authors: Lauren (Leytonunit930) and Christine (Tris-wannabe)

Summary:

Chapter 1: Superheroes, grindylows, and ponds

"POTTER!"

The young man who had previously been dozing off in an armchair next to the fire in the common room jumped up immediately.

"Lily?" he asked dazedly, looking around the room.

"Oh, so _now_ he pays attention," whined another young man with dark hair and an extremely charming face. "_We've_ only been calling his names for _five minutes_ but when _she_ yells he jumps to attention!"

Remus leaned back in his armchair and sighed. Sure, now he was awake, but they certainly wouldn't be getting any of his attention any time soon. _She_ was coming. And that was bound to lead to a long argument, followed by a morose and irritable James, who wouldn't do anything but grunt in response to any conversation for a few hours.

Sure enough, Lily Evans came storming in the room, face flushed, flaming red hair flying out behind her, her lips forming the word 'Potter', clutching James's broomstick in her hand. To James, in his dreamy state, she was a godsend.

James got a goofy looking grin on his face and said, "Hiya, Lily." Lily was rather close to James now, but before James could get too caught in his dreamy moment, Sirius saw the need to make a valiant rescue. Sirius got up from his chair, spun James around and whacked him on the head.

"Wake up, idiot!" Sirius said with oh-so-much affection, "_Evans_ has come to make your acquaintance, once again. She must need something very quickly because she's called you so _politely_ and even seems to have brought you your broom!"

Finally, James seemed to wake up and come to. He rolled his eyes at Sirius, crossed his arms, and turned back around to face Lily. "What's the matter, Evans?" he asked, definitely over playing the gallant hero who was ready to fetch his maiden whatever she needed.

"If you're _quite_ finished, _you_, Potter, always seem to be the matter," she stormed, glaring up at him from her slight disadvantage of 3 inches.

James smirked. "Am I, Evans? I'm so glad I always matter to you."

Lily's glare grew, if possible, even more fierce. "Tell me, Potter, why I found _your broom_ outside by a tree near the lake and NOT," Lily paused for breath, "NOT in the Quidditch rooms where all the brooms are _supposed_ to go!"

James looked fondly at the broom and replied with complete innocence, "Imagine that! I wonder how it got out there? Thank you so much, Evans, for returning my broom for me." James made to take the broom from Lily, but she pulled it out of his reach.

"Give me one reason why I shouldn't report you to the Head of House and have your broom confiscated!"

James looked at her with disbelief. "Why would you want to do that? You can't do that… right?"

Lily looked triumphant. "Oh yes I can. Those are the rules for when a broom is not put away correctly in the either the Quidditch lockers or the Broom cupboards, and leaning against a tree is neither of those!"

James now seemed to be genuinely worried. "Look, Evans, you can't do that. I've got Quidditch practice today and a big game coming up. Here, I'll put it away now." James reached out his hand to take the broom, but Lily made no move to give it to him.

"Maybe missing one little game is just what you need to remind you to _always_ 'put it away,'" said Lily in an excellent McGonagall voice.

James was truly petrified. "Evans, I'm the _Gryffindor Captain_. I _have _to play. I'm the _chaser_. We'll _lose_ without me. Come on, let my have my broom," James said, with pleading creeping into his voice.

Sirius, showing his un-dying support for James, nodded his head in agreement. "He's got a –" Sirius began, but was cut off instantly by a glare from Lily.

Remus, still sitting on an armchair by the common room fire, rolled his eyes and sighed. Unfortunately for him, Lily caught this motion and her attention was immediately drawn to him.

"You!" Lily exclaimed, staring at Remus.

"M-me?" Remus asked, confused.

"Yes, you! And where were _you_ when our 'student-in-question' happened to _leave_ his broom by a tree!" Lily fumed, her anger finding another outlet.

"I—I don't…" Remus faltered as he shook his head and struggled with what to say. "Maybe it was an accident?" Remus's voice seemed to go up the last word, sounding more like a plea for James than an explanation.

"AN ACCIDENT!" Lily trembled visibly. "AN ACCIDENT! Lupin, you are a PREFECT! It is your _duty_ to correct people, especially _these_ people," Lily nearly screamed, throwing her hands in the direction of Sirius and James.

"Hey," Sirius complained, "Since when did I get dragged into this? I didn't do anything." Then Sirius jumped and looked at James. "You didn't tell her about it, did you?" he asked worriedly.

"See what I mean!" Lily raged. "These two! Lupin, _they_ are your responsibility too! You can't just let them get away with _everything every – single - time_! I'm sick of it!" With that, Lily turned on her heel and marched out of the common room. All the bystanders in the common room collectively let out their breaths.

"Hey, wait a minute!" James announced, "She's still got my broom! EVANS!"

James stormed out of the common room and climbed through the portrait hole after her.

"I personally don't think that Prongs is going to get his broom anytime soon. I mean Evans was furious, I mean whenever she does talk to him she is furious, but today, wow! Today, she looked downright-- well, angry is an understatement... She's scary; I have no clue what James sees in her. There are plenty of other women in the lake-" Sirius said, however Remus decided to interrupt at this moment.

"Sea. You meant Sea. It's a muggle saying."

"But why can't it be lake. I like lakes; they have mermaids, pretty mermaids, but I don't like grindylows, they're scary too, hey they're just like Lily. Lily, Grindylow. They rhyme!"

And with that, Remus banged his head on the table.

"POTTER, GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Seems that you were rightSirius; Lily seems to be quite irritated."

"Of course I'm right, I'm always right, and I'm always handsome. Girls love me, except for Evans, that is. But really, I think she likes me. She just doesn't want to express her feelings."

"Stop being so supercilious Sirius, it's quite bothersome."

"Superwhadda? Is that some sort of superhero?"

"Supercilious. It means "

"I'm confused."

"Why does that not surprise me?"

Meanwhile outside the common room

"Why do you stalk me so much, Potter? Is it the fact that I am the only girl who won't fall for your arrogant, thick-witted behavior?"

"You just wait Lily-flower-"

"DON'T CALL ME LILY-FLOWER!"

"Lily-Rose, one day you wait, you won't be able to resist my irresistibility."

"What? Potter, get this through your thick skull. I will never fall for your ineluctable charm."

"Have just admitted that I am charming? Why Lily flower, I never knew you felt that way about me. This totally changes our relationship."

"WHAT RELATIONSHIP?"

"Our love, our everlasting passion."

"What?"

"Now, that we've established that-"

"No, wait!"

"How about that Hogsmeade trip? We can make it official then."

"NO POTTER! I WILL NOT GO OUT WITH YOU! FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME, I WOULDN'T GO OUT WITH YOU IF YOU WERE THE LAST PERSON ALIVE! LEAVE ME ALONE! " Lily, then stormed off.

"GETTING ANGRY AT ME, LILY, ONLY MAKES ME LOVE YOU MORE! IT JUST SHOWS THAT OUR LOVE CAN WITHSTAND ANYTHING" James then ran a hand through his hair, smirking at Lily storming off.

"AND STOP RUNNING YOUR HAND THROUGH YOUR HAIR!"

Back in the common room

"Why can't James just unfall in love with her?"

"Unfall?"

"Yes, it rhymes with furball which rhymes with disco ball which rhymes with-"

Lily walked back into the common room, her cheeks red with anger, and if possible her red hair even redder than normal.

"Remus, would you please remind Potter to put his broom away? Otherwise, next time, I _might_ have to confiscate his broom for not following the rules." Lily said giving the boys a malicious grin.

"YEA! Lily does have a heart!" Sirius danced around the room. "Oh and guess what Lily, I'm superman."

"WHAT? Who told you that?"

Sirius then points to Remus, who again bangs his head on the table. "Supercilious, supercilious."

"So, Lily-flower..."

"Hey! I'm the only one who can call her that. She's my girl. Go get your own Padfoot-." James was then interrupted by Lily saying, well more like yelling:

"I AM NOT YOUR GIRL, POTTER!"

"Well, you could be, Evans, if you go out with me."

"Again, Potter, I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last person on earth-."

"But what if he was the last fish in the pond," Sirius commented.

"EH?" Lily and James both looked at Sirius with strange looks.

"Remus told me that too."

"No, Sirius, no. I said plenty of fish in the _sea_. Not ocean, not lake, and not POND! SEA!"

**A/N: **This is Christine (Tris-wannabe) and Lauren (leytonunit930): READ AND REVIEW!


	2. Ideas, 2nd place, action figures

**Title:** Eh?

Disclaimer: There is no way that we could own Harry Potter, we're not smart enough for that; fortunately, J. K. Rowling is.

Authors: Lauren (Leytonunit930) and Christine (Tris-wannabe)

Summary:Lily hates James. James loves Lily. That could be a problem, couldn't it? Sirius loves using sayings, Remus loves it when Sirius gets them right, which is not often. Ignore dumb summary…….

Authors' Note: Sorry about the long wait for this chapter. Also, last time we forgot to mention that our wonderful title was thought of by our good friend, Ellen. So….props to Ellen!

Chapter 2: Ideas, 2nd place, action figures

Lily banged her pillow against her head again. And again. And again. And again. And one more time for good luck. Unfortunately, her luck didn't hold out, and that scream she was trying to keep in came bursting out. The few girls in the dorm at the time gave Lily a sympathetic look, then went back to charming their bed-curtains the perfect coppery moonlight.

_Why me?_ Lily thought to herself over and over again. _What did I ever do to deserve this?_ She couldn't talk about it with any of her friends, because none of them understood why she was the only girl in the school who didn't want to go out with the most popular Gryffindor.

_They just can't see past his good looks- I MEAN, um… outward appearance, _Lily told herself. _They don't realize that he's big-headed, and… big-headed!_ Lily groaned in frustration and hit herself with the pillow again. It _was_ an Irish pillow.

Sirius turned to James and said, "I'm no expert, mate, but I don't think that ended too well."

"Actually," Remus countered, "It was relatively excellent. Lily didn't call you any names, or undesirable adjectives, or hex you, which puts this incident quite high on the record. As a matter of fact, it ranks 2nd overall. 1st place is when she didn't stomp up the stairs."

"Gee, thanks, Moony," James grumbled, sinking into a chair by the fireplace.

"Look on the bright side, James-"

"Moony," Sirius interrupted, "A fire is bright on _all _sides."

Remus fought the urge to roll his eyes. It was a bloody battle, but he won it.

"Why, thank you, Sirius."

"No problem," Sirius quipped. "I'd've thought a brainiac like you would know that already."

"As I was saying," Remus continued, "You two did have a moment, James."

James shot up. "What?" he croaked. _Remus_ said there was something, and Remus _never _said that.

"Well, you were both united in confusion of Sirius, here. You both even said the same thing at the same time. Although, I'm not sure it counts, because 'eh' is not technically a word. The dictionary does consider it slang…"

Sirius brightened. "See that, Prongs! I brought you two together! I'm a fuse-creator!"

James' face was a mixture of disappointment and confusion.

"Uh, Sirius, do you mean… match-maker?" questioned Remus.

"'Match-maker'? No, I haven't invented any sport. Although technically I did reinvent the game of Quidditch with my amazing moves…"

Remus fought the battle with his eyes again. This time he lost. It was a one-sided battle.

At the mention of Quidditch, James perked up. "I'm going flying," he said as he took his broom and headed towards the common-room door.

"James," Remus called, "Don't forget to put your broom away."

James turned to Remus and glared.

Remus flinched, but said, "Sorry, mate, but I've got to watch out for my own skin, too. Lily'll kill me, too, you know.

"Lily doesn't strike me as the kind of person who would kill someone," Sirius remarked. "But she is really scary.

Remus sighed. "It's a figure of speech, Sirius, get it through your head."

Sirius gasped. "I didn't know that Speech had an action figure!"

The broom incident between Lily and James was quickly forgotten by the Marauders and James was back to his normal self- well that is if you call staring at Lily 24/7, acting like a mighty big shot in front of his "flower", and obsessing over her every move being normal. Sirius for one could not understand his best friend's behavior, and went to the "all-mighty" Remus for answers.

"Is it possible for someone to be so in love? Look, Remus, he hasn't even touched his food." Sirius pointed at James who stared at Lily while drooling on the table which Remus looked at with disgust.

Ever since the Lily-broom accident, James had fallen more in love with her. All he talked about was Lily, when he was awake or even in his sleep.

"Moony, you know I'm very supportive of James and Lily, but this is going too far. Last night, James was talking in his sleep, and do you know what he was saying?"

"No, Padfoot. Unlike you, I **was** asleep, that was until a **certain **person decided to wake me up so that I could listen to James snore, drool, and pine for Lily."

"EXACTLY! See Moony, this isn't normal. WE-"

"No, Padfoot. **WE **are not going to do anything, is that understood?"

"But...WHY?"

"Because I said so, Padfoot. If we do something and it messes everything up, do you think you could live with the guilt? Knowing the fact that we messed up James and Lily's chance?"

"Oh dear Merlin. I just got an idea!"

"Let's hear it. Those don't come often, do they?"

"Aww; thanks, you always give the best compliments. BUT, what if instead of messing up Lily and James's chance, we brought them together?"

"That's your great, magnificent idea? Oh dear, that's terrible. We're talking about** you** trying to bring James and Lily together. That's hysterical."

Remus started laughing and spat out his pumpkin juice which got on James glasses, who just took them off, wiped them clean with his shirt, put them back on and proceeded to continue to stare at Lily.

"Sorry James."

"Huh-What?"

"Never mind."

"Have you noticed the way Lily's hair shimmers in the sunlight? Have you noticed her eyes sparkle when she's either excited or when she's so into what she's doing? She's perfect, Moony."

"See Moony, Prongs never has time for me anymore." Sirius pouted.

"Padfoot, are you sure that your concerns are strictly for James' well-being and emotional state or are they the fact that you are not the center of attention anymore?"

"Both..no…wait, the first, I'm not sure. Which one is better?"

James suddenly broke his gaze from Lily and looked at Sirius who kept muttering "the first, no the second, no the first, no both, no..I'm so confused," and Remus who kept banging his head on the table.

"What's going on here?" James asked.

"You don't want to know." Remus said while shaking his head.

"Well, I have decided something important that is going to change the lives of wizard kind!" James said excitedly.

"You're not going to obsess over Lily anymore?" Sirius asked with a hopeful expression.

"You're actually going to do your homework and study?" Remus asked breaking into a wide grin.

"Are you all crazy? That would be like me giving up Quidditch!" James said, clearly flabbergasted that his friends would think of something like this. Remus, after hearing what was going to change the lives of wizard kind, banged his head on the table, and Sirius joined him. "I'm going to ask Lily to the Hogsmeade trip coming up this weekend, but this time, I have a new approach which will clearly win her over; I'm sure of it."

"This would be the 673rd time James has said this, but then fails." Remus said marking off another tally in his notebook.

"Like it or not James, I don't think Lily likes you like that."

"And why would you say that?" James asked very defensively.

"Well, she hates your guts and never forgets to mention that whenever you talk to her, is the only girl who doesn't have a crush on you, and she's not even in your fan club; but let's not forget, James, she _didn't_ say she wouldn't date you if you were the last fish in the pond. That's gotta be some improvement, mate!" Sirius responded feeling very clever for himself for getting the saying right.

_Bang. Bang. Bang. _

"Moony, that wasn't a very smart thing to do," Sirius said. "Banging your head on the table won't help Prongs. You'll just get a headache and then who will help me make fun of James, who will help me annoy Lily, who will help me make fun of Lily and James, who-," he said frantically.

"QUIET!" Remus yelled.

"Great O smart and wise one, you just got us in trouble with Princess Lily. Good going," Sirius said sarcastically.

Standing by the doorway was one furious Lily Evans. If looks could kill, well, they'd all be dead right about now


End file.
